bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i drank out of a bidet.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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