puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
