Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
