My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
