Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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