look no pants
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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