Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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