Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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