Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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