I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
