What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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