Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
