Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
