If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
