all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
