I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
