She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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