one two three fourrrrnication!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
