Your mouth is God's brothel.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
