Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
