I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
