like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
