1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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