she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
