I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
