His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
