Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
