i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
