What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
