Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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