Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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