I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
