Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
