I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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