I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
