Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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