Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
