"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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