Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
