I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
