Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
