ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
