i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize