words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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