Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
