Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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