Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
