i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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