so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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