yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
