A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
