i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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