Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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