I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
