I wish I only lived at night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
