Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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