woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When are your genitals available?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
