i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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