Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
