Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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