Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
