I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We left the knife in your bed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
