he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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