You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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