i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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