i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
