OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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