I skipped work to stalk him.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
