Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
