Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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