I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
