take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
