you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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