Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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